Peck of Tale

 Today, I was talking with my brother. now I get it why I found that's why I choose to not share my problem with others. I always feel that no one wouldn't get it. until I talk with my brother. we faced the same problem but how we act is different. I was surprised that he actually feels the same. we care about our family but neither he nor I never showed it. but today we talked and I think it was a great talk. I was hopeless and kept all of it by myself. but he told me he was scared too. he is scared. but he keeps trying. indeed, he is more mature than me. I was trying to run away but he is not. he said mostly the people at our home is above 40 years old. but the only support is just my aunt. she is the youngest from 5. she is our pillars. she gave me a place to stay, pay for my tuition, help my brothers and sister. she did it all alone. she has her own family, a married man with 2 children. she must have had it hard that everyone is depending on her. she must be has a hard lif...

how are you today? no.... I mean what is family actually? what is home? is it a place or someone? because I don't know anymore. I had a home, maybe. or is every grown-up have no home? so they make one that they could call it home.. do I have a family? what is family? bunch of people you will give you warmth? or who you want to protect? maybe I'm not grown-up enough? I don't think I could face the loneliness, where I should stand by my own feet. I'm too scared to face what might come in the future. lately, I don't think dying is a loss. I'm not even scared anymore. I've been thinking about it a lot. what my father see when his time calling him to go? what did he hear? is he not scared? well, maybe when the time comes nothing doesn't even matter anymore. I want to die. nothing's an help me, even fate is not on my side. end of next month, I'll decide. either it to live or

I've been thinking about this lately. "what I want to do?" "what do I want?" I think I've been lost to myself. I do have hobbies, I remembered what I wanna be when I was a kid. but it seems I do it wrong, I feel like I'm late. I've been blinded by my hobby so I can't think rights about my future plan. but if I live according to the future plan, will I be able to enjoy it? or I did it just to survive? will I looked pathetic if I do something that doesn't even excite me? but.. most people would choose to survive, right? will I become a living person with a dead soul? well.. in the end, nothing really matters, I'm a college student now, I'm on my last year, I don't even know if I could finish my study. I'm late, I always late. I can't even do my hobby for my profession now. I just have to adjust to what I can be.. right?

as I've mentioned before this blog was purposed for my assignment but now -maybe- I showed a little interest in writing on this blog.. I've been thinking maybe I could write about anything or post my unposted lyrics, daily life, my thoughts, or a fiction story.. I don't know why but maybe I just need a place where I could express what I feel.

To be honest, at first, this blog was for my writing's class assignment, my lecture has passed away if I'm not mistaken it was almost 2 years ago. until now I feel regret, I was being mean to him. I was a fool for not be able to see the kindness he has. he didn't mind I gave my assignment late, he didn't mind I'm late for his class, he praised me for my writing. I wasn't able to say sorry. I cried on his cold body when I went to his house for the last before the funeral. I hope.. my feelings reached him.. but I was terrible.. will he forgive me?

I had a terrible day past this weeks. nothings go right for me, start from my family, the one who I cared for, friends, others. anyone is just a nuisance. It must be a good day for me, but, disappointingly, nothing was special. feels like there's no value. I'm thinking about what should I do? but I have no answer, I want to run, but nowhere to go, nowhere to lean on. Ambitiousness killed you slowly.

         Museum of Perjoangan Bogor was built in 1958, 10 November. Museum Perjoangan Bogor was established through the deliberation of the leaders of the Bogor Residency Warriors. The location of this place is at Jalan Merdeka, Bogor City. As you can see, based on the name 'Perjoangan' or can be defined to word; struggling was made to remind us about the past.  All of the struggling from the people in the past, the warrior -that may some of them are well known- that fought for this country, Indonesia, were remembered and their story and also the relics were placed on this museum...

Saturday, October 21st.     On that day, we, half of the Writing A class went to Thousand Island. Let's hear about my version. It starts at 2AM, me and two of my classmate (Mahadi and Ardi) went to the Bogor station, and we arrived at 3:45AM. We took the first train at 4AM and went to the Old Town Jakarta station. After we arrived, we met the others, and Mr. Teguh, more or less we arrived at 6AM and took the public transport (angkot) to the Sunda Kelapa Harbor. For me, it's all new and so refreshing, but also thrilling, why? the truth is, I fear of the sea, I can't swim and hate the dark color of the sea (dark color of the sea mean in the deep of the sea, or you can call it Thalassophobia ).     We arrived more likely at 10AM and after that, we had our lunch. The local villager asks us if we want to try to ride some of the rides (banana boat, doughnuts, and snorkeling). Unfortunately, non of the rides suits my taste (since I scared to swim), but Mahadi convince m...

Hi , Tamara is the name. Actually, I have no surname, but my father named 'Lau' on his last name. So probably I can use that too, haha. Tamara Lau, that's my fake surname, hehe. I was born in Pontianak. I don't want to tell my birthday date, haha sorry :p I lived with my grandma and my aunt's family. I have another four siblings. My hobbies are singing, dancing, listening to music, and making myself keep busy. I'm studying English Literature and in the 3rd semester right now.  My motivation to make this blog is.... hmmm, since it was for my writing class score, I should write this xD sorry sir, no offense. Well, maybe I'll start writing something on this blog. Honestly, I love to write some fanfiction aka short story. Please wait for my next post, haha. That's short of my brief introducing self. Here's the other story, I'll tell you about someone that I know and cared about. His name is Mahadi Qoribah, he is cute, well most of the ti...