Peck of Tale

I've been thinking about this lately. "what I want to do?" "what do I want?" I think I've been lost to myself. I do have hobbies, I remembered what I wanna be when I was a kid. but it seems I do it wrong, I feel like I'm late. I've been blinded by my hobby so I can't think rights about my future plan. but if I live according to the future plan, will I be able to enjoy it? or I did it just to survive? will I looked pathetic if I do something that doesn't even excite me? but.. most people would choose to survive, right? will I become a living person with a dead soul? well.. in the end, nothing really matters, I'm a college student now, I'm on my last year, I don't even know if I could finish my study. I'm late, I always late. I can't even do my hobby for my profession now. I just have to adjust to what I can be.. right?

as I've mentioned before this blog was purposed for my assignment but now -maybe- I showed a little interest in writing on this blog.. I've been thinking maybe I could write about anything or post my unposted lyrics, daily life, my thoughts, or a fiction story.. I don't know why but maybe I just need a place where I could express what I feel.

To be honest, at first, this blog was for my writing's class assignment, my lecture has passed away if I'm not mistaken it was almost 2 years ago. until now I feel regret, I was being mean to him. I was a fool for not be able to see the kindness he has. he didn't mind I gave my assignment late, he didn't mind I'm late for his class, he praised me for my writing. I wasn't able to say sorry. I cried on his cold body when I went to his house for the last before the funeral. I hope.. my feelings reached him.. but I was terrible.. will he forgive me?

I had a terrible day past this weeks. nothings go right for me, start from my family, the one who I cared for, friends, others. anyone is just a nuisance. It must be a good day for me, but, disappointingly, nothing was special. feels like there's no value. I'm thinking about what should I do? but I have no answer, I want to run, but nowhere to go, nowhere to lean on. Ambitiousness killed you slowly.