...

how are you today? no.... I mean
what is family actually? what is home? is it a place or someone? because I don't know anymore.
I had a home, maybe. or is every grown-up have no home? so they make one that they could call it home..
do I have a family? what is family? bunch of people you will give you warmth? or who you want to protect?
maybe I'm not grown-up enough? I don't think I could face the loneliness, where I should stand by my own feet. I'm too scared to face what might come in the future. lately, I don't think dying is a loss. I'm not even scared anymore. I've been thinking about it a lot. what my father see when his time calling him to go? what did he hear? is he not scared? well, maybe when the time comes nothing doesn't even matter anymore. I want to die. nothing's an help me, even fate is not on my side. end of next month, I'll decide. either it to live or

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